I started blogging, I did it because I wanted to archive my thoughts in an eco-friendly way. But now, I just feel eco-friendly is just overrated.
'When I had all the time' refers to all the pockets of time that I have every single day and how I can think of many pursuits to utilise this time for but I just don't wish to. I don't have any reasons why I should utilise/ waste my time in any productive pursuit. I need to do my certifications, I need to read on the subjects that would give me the professional edge, I need to give myself a pedicure :P, I need to read few books et cetera..
Unfortunately, this whole lack of interest in doing these things has not stopped me from overusing internet! I think I have gotten to a point where I abuse my internet time. I browse products that I know the review of, I check out brands I am never gonna buy ( for ex, I would never buy 4g of lipstick for a grand or buy a DSLR for over a lakh, atleast while I am in my current position), I download songs I listen to everyday on the radio, I check the inbox when I am sure I have hardly any mails ( emails are only used at work now).
But it is truly sad that I can't think of any reason to reason with myself. My guard against my sensible self is up and I don't want to listen to my intellectual banter, ironically.
I can sit with my eyes open for hours and not feel alone or anything. Most of the time I play the songs I have been recently listening to or just telling myself 'familiarity breeds contempt'.
And then I realized I have not been posting on my blog, that too after 6 months!! That just adds to the fact that I am so phased out right now. It is time to change however.. I am going to break this monotone on Tuesday. I like Tuesdays.
I sometimes feel I live on the surface ( yeah right!) and other times I am!! I need to dig more. I need to bring back the old nice person who believed in keeping busy and savouring the moment. I would never say that empty pockets of times when we don't wish to do anything. But when it becomes a habit, it feels weird and there is a feeling of nostalgia and restlessness I can't quite identify with.
Of late, I am socializing more and doing more work than I had been until a month ago. But I just find it all boring :P I see no more changes in my otherwise boring life anytime soon. So, I guess I should just get going and go attend my French classes again.
So here I go, to prepare for the assessment. Tataaaa..
